InstaFriday: A Room to Write

Happy Friday Friends!!

I'm super excited about today's InstaFriday. I've been waiting for days to show off my new room. My Room to Write. I'm not sure it's really Pinterest ready or anything, but there was a room in my house that no one was really using. It had kind of turned into a storage room/collect all the crap space. So...I took it.

I wanted a space. a room. a place to write that was all mine and used for no other purpose. No legos, no hot wheels, no one elses' coffee cups. All Mine.

So, I rearranged some stuff and bought some stuff and threw some stuff away and...

Here it is!

The desk. All mine.

and the couch. Sometimes, I just need to write on a couch.

I made these to remind me. And I used a glue stick. Totally counts as a craft!!

A few more reminders. Again with the gluestick! I'm a regular Martha!! Okay, not really, but I liked 'em!

and the pretty picture I found (for 12 bucks!)

A Room to Write.

Happy Friday!!

Linking up over here today! Check it out

Happy Washable Wednesday

Want to know the greatest thing about Crayola markers? Besides the fact they come in a zillion colors now. Scented and swirly and invisible and short and tall and…

They are WASHABLE!

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. The mess comes out! That’s such good news for my kitchen table. And my walls. And, if Brodie gets his hands on one…every other surface in my house. Every once in a while, though, I run across a stain. I know I’m horrible at putting laundry away…I’ve admitted that. It’s fine. But, I do wash it. And dry it. And fold it most of the time. And I also know a thing or two about getting stains out.

Good News! Here at Consider Me Krysten, Wednesdays are now the day where anything else I want becomes washable, too. I will be sorting, pre-treating, soaking and washing away any stain that may be trying to set in. (It’ll be fun, like reading my therapy, plus it gets me out of doing actual laundry)

Todays’ washable?

Inferiority.

Even the word itself sounds damaged. Spilled red wine. Mixed with mustard.

Eleanor Roosevelt said that no one could make me feel inferior without my consent. Duh. That’s true. It’s also true that I often give them consent. Sometimes, actually most of the time, without even realizing I’ve done so. I get so wrapped up in believing that other people are better than I am, or even worse, that they know they’re better than I am and secretly sit around and laugh about how much better they are. I’m very important, don’t you know? I’m sure people have nothing better in the world to do than sit around and think about all my inferiorities.

I forget that 1. Even if they are superior in some aspect, it’s usually not that flippin’ important and matters so very little in the grand scheme of things. They’re superior because they’re there and I’m here. Right where I am. If I’m going to let someone make me feel inferior, it’s probably because I know if I really wanted what they had, the job, the house, the position, the esteem, I could have it. I just haven’t gotten there, yet and 2. To try and consider whether or not maybe it’s just ME who thinks they’re better. Sometimes I put stuff on people that doesn’t really belong to them. It’s not fair. For either side.

The truth is this particular stain, like most others I find around here, has some sort of fear base. It’s not impossible to get out. It usually just takes a little extra time since it’s been there for quite a while. I’m slowly figuring out that most of my inferiority crap revolves around the things I’m too scared to try myself. Maybe for fear of failure. Maybe for fear of success. Maybe for fear of my own damn shadow. I don’t know yet. I’m still working that part out. I mean, I very rarely feel inferior to people who are in positions I don’t want, right? I mean, I’m sure Mrs. Duggar is like ten times the woman I am, but I don’t feel inferior to her. I feel a fondness for her, I feel the need to pray for her…a lot, but not inferior. Nope.

The important thing is that I’m washing away that inferiority complex I occasionally rock. All sparkly and white. Ready to appear in public.

The secret solution might not be easy, but it’s a simple one in my world:

Step 1. Is it that important? Is it even a real issue or just something I’m making up? If it is real…

Step 2. STOP Feeling inferior!! Seriously, If my Grandmother Gillet knew I was letting myself feel like I wasn’t good enough, she’d roll over. Instead, I have to just stop and think…                  
Do I really want it? That thing that makes them superior? Do I want to be equal? If so…

Step 3. Why don’t I already have it? Is it because I’m afraid, because it’s not time or because I’m working on it?

If it’s because I’m afraid…that’s silly. There’s nothing to be afraid of.

If it’s not time…It’s not time. Wait.

If it’s because I’m working on it…that totally counts.

Moving on.                                                                                                                           

Three steps, Krysten. Cold water. Soap. Spin. Rinse. Repeat.  

Inferiority. Down the drain.

Happy Washable Wednesday

Maybe I should make “It’ll be fun, like reading my therapy” my new tag line.

What do you think? If you’re reading but not, you know, “Following”, you’ll have to do that first… J

InstaFriday: Kids, Kids, Kids...

About 8 years ago, Jeremy and I started trying to have a baby. It was a long process. Every 28 days, for two and a half years, I would find out that I wasn’t pregnant and then I would bawl my eyes out.

Every month, for two and a half years.

Then, one month, there were no tears. They were replaced with a positive pregnancy test and excitement and joy and shock and…

Fear.  

Now, I know I might sound to some like a walking contradiction but, even though I wanted to be pregnant and I wanted to have a baby, I didn’t really like kids all that much. After all the time and all the tears and all the trying, the thought of actually being someone’s mother scared the Bejeesus out of me. What if I was bad at it? What if I didn’t like my baby? What if what I wanted all this time turned out to be something I didn’t actually want at all? Then what was I going to do?

Crap.

Turns out, I did in fact love my baby, immediately and fierce, just like everyone said I would. Sometimes, I get worked up about stuff before it happens. I swear I’m working on it.

I got another bonus prize, though, when I had Logan. I also learned how to be a kid person. Now, I won’t lie to you and tell you that I love all kids or that I immediately became blessed with energy and patience and all of the other things that make kid people, kid people, but I did learn how to talk to them, how to read their signs and signals, how to play with them and like them and handle them. They don't intimidate me nearly as much as they used to (Except Brodie, but I'm working on that, too)

This is all very good news considering that my house is now ALWAYS full of kids. Mine. Other people’s. Kids. All the time.



This particular one is mine. This one was taken a couple of hours after I washed his mouth out with soap. You can read about that one here.



This is what Wednesdays look like around here. Talyn comes and hangs out and helps keep me sane.



This is my niece, Emma. Sometimes she gets sleepy. It happens.



and this is dinner time with my two, Emma and her sister Ally. I ate standing up by the counter. Guess it's time for a bigger table, huh?



On one of our walks. He would stay outside all of the time, if I would let him.



and cuddling together after the walk. I would sit and cuddle all of the time, if he would let me.



And this is the one I tried so long to have. By the way, not only do I like him, he was TOTALLY worth the wait!!

There it is. An instafriday full of kids. Some mine, some not. Changing the way I feel about kids...One week at a time.

Happy Friday!

Linking up over here today. Check it out...

The day I washed Brodie's mouth out with soap

First and foremost, I want to acknowledge that I know foul language is frowned upon. I get it. Jeremy and I both get it. We know we’re supposed to set better examples and not use foul language, especially in front of our kids.

We do anyway.

Not a lot and not always on purpose, but we do. We use it more like intense punctuation than we do anything else. We’re human. We’re working on it, and that totally counts.

There was football on television on Sunday. The use of intense punctuation usually increases when that happens. I won’t say which one of us is to blame for dropping the “F” bomb during one of the games, which was then repeated over and over again by a certain 2 year old in our home, but I will tell you that it wasn’t me. I share that part, mostly, because it usually IS me.  

When the two year old started repeating it, we laughed. I know, I know, rookie mistake. I know you’re not supposed to laugh. We couldn’t help it. When a two year old says a bad word…sometimes it’s funny. Especially the first time. So, we laughed a little. Told him “No.” Listened to him repeat it a few more times, just to get a rise out of us. Told him “No” again. Then proceeded to ignore him, thinking that when we stopped thinking it was a big deal, he would stop thinking it was a big deal. He says new words all of the time, repeats them again and again, and then forgets them the next morning. We told ourselves it wouldn’t stick.  

Now, keep in mind that we were completely delusional because the kid already uses the “S” word in a sentence correctly. It’s embarrassing, but it’s true.

So, Tuesday morning when Jeremy, Brodie and I were hanging out before I left for work, Brodie drops something by the recliner. He uses the “S” word, looks up at J and I, knows damn well we’re pissed, smiles, then repeats it over and over…and over. Again, we laugh. I know, parents of the year, right? I’m yelling at Jeremy to stop laughing and he’s yelling at me to stop laughing and Brodie’s laughing harder than both of us and yelling the word LOUDER now…

Finally, we gain composure, try again with the “No.” and the explanation, in as clear of a language as you can get when talking to a 2 year old. He nods, we’re good. Moving on.

15 minutes later, the kid is sitting next to Jeremy, chillin’ in front of the television, totally calm. He looks up at his dad, looks at me, looks back at Jeremy, smiles and drops the “F’ bomb.

On purpose. Clear as a bell. Over and over again.  

F*ck. F*ck. F*ck.                                                                                                                                         

This time, there was no laughing. Jeremy looked up at me with huge eyes and that “Uh-Oh Son, Mamma’s about to lose it” look he gets right before I lose it.

By this point, I’ve had it. I no longer find it funny and I think the kid is starting to sound like one of The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia. I don’t want to be that lady. With that kid. So, I did what I knew to do.

That’s right. I got the Dawn. I took his little mouth into the kitchen, made him stick out his tongue, put enough on the lid for him to get the point, and wiped it on. Now, if you think this is harsh, blame my mother. This is the way she handled business. This is the way I was raised. I grew up more in a “Do as I say not as I do” kind of world. Maybe I wasn’t parented properly. Another story for another day. But, when my mom had had it with certain language, she did things like put actual Dawn, nasty mess, old school turquoise, original dishwashing detergent in my mouth. It was horrible. I can still remember the way it tasted 25 years later.

I was six. It was a Thursday in the early spring. I know this because The Cosby Show was on and I didn’t get to watch it. I was being punished for using the word, “Hate”. I had been in trouble before, grounded from watching the Smurfs, but this time my mom was looking for something a little more severe. So, out came the Dawn. I’m still traumatized. That stuff is NASTY!

Brodie acted just about the way I thought he would. Squished up face, gagging noises, sticking his tongue out and trying to scratch off the taste. He continued for almost 30 minutes, rotating between drinking water and scratching his tongue. At one point, he blew an actual Dawn/Snot bubble out of his nose.

 It. Was. Awesome.

Later in the day, we were walking next door to see my Dad and Brodie tripped. He said, “Dammit”. I stopped, looked at him, and asked, “Do you want me to put soap in your mouth?” He replied, “Nooooooo” and shook his head. He then patted my leg and said, “Sorry Mamma”.

Point Taken.

It’s okay Son, just don’t let it happen again or I WILL be forced to use the Dawn.

FOUR WEEKS!

These days, when you ask Logan about his Unc, (My brother, Austin) he’ll tell you that he’s in Afghanistan fighting bad guys. He’ll also excitedly tell you that Unc will be home in FOUR WEEKS! I don’t think that Logan quite understands what four weeks looks like, but he can tell from all the grown-ups in his world that it must be a short period of time and we can start being excited about it. I think he’s right. We are ALL excited about it. We all have our own reasons to be excited, but for one reason or another, we’re all happy he’s coming home.

In my world, my brother Austin is like Jasper Hale.

What? You don’t know Twilight? Lame. Okay, fine, let me explain.

Jasper Hale has this awesome ability to sense and manipulate the emotions of those around him. It’s like his power. They all have one. Keep up.

Anyway, Austin, while not a vampire, somehow ended up with this same ability. The beauty in Austin’s power, though, is I don’t even think he understands he possesses it.

But, he does.

Have you ever met one of those people who make it damn near impossible for you to be in a bad mood when you’re around them?

That’s my brother.

When I think I’m about to lose my mind from pure exhaustion and then someone tells a stupid joke that leaves me no choice but to laugh hysterically at the pure ridiculousness of it.

That’s my brother.

When I want desperately to be mad or upset or dramatic about something that probably won’t be that big of a deal tomorrow, but instead I end up making inappropriate jokes about the situation, often at someone else’s expense.

That’s my brother.

When I forget for a minute that there is always a reason to laugh, when I need someone to talk to who won’t let me take myself too seriously, when I start to think no one else’s brain works quite as fast as mine and I need someone to validate my useless crap…

That’s my brother.

Logan and Brodie are excited about Nerf Gun wars and silly songs they make up as they go. Jeremy is excited about war stories and beer. I’m excited about mid-morning coffee dates and long talks about nothing. Laughing so hard my stomach hurts. Smiling big, even when I don’t think I want to.

He might not be a vampire, but he is definitely my own brand of superhero.

He’s in Afghanistan fighting bad guys…and he’ll be home in FOUR WEEKS!!

I Quit!

When I opened my eyes at 5:30 on Tuesday morning, the very first thing I thought was, “Dammit. I DO NOT want to go to work tonight.”

That is SO not a way to start the day.

Now, I know sometimes, jobs just suck. It happens. I don’t expect to want to go to work every. single. day. But I also don’t think it’s healthy for me to be filled up with so much dread and despair that it overflows and fills my whole entire day with anxiety.

I knew, for sure, that I wanted to quit my job about six months ago. Some stuff went down. I couldn’t get right with it. The place I had once loved and been proud to work in had become a toxic environment for me. It was time to go. Unfortunately, I couldn’t just quit that night like I wanted to. I mean, I could have, but it wouldn’t have been a very good idea.

I did, however, immediately set things in motion so getting to the point where I could quit was both possible and responsible. Please, because I’m putting this one on the record, understand that this is a very big deal for me. This is not normally the way I operate. Ideas and concepts like time, patience and planning are very new to me. I’ve been known to make choices without, you know, thinking about their consequences. Letting my temper or hurt feelings, or both, take over. It has caused me a lot of heartache. I didn’t want this to be one more decision I’d look back on and wish I had done differently.

So, I found a new job. One I absolutely adore. Working days. With people I love. And for six months I worked them both.

Some days were harder than others, but with the endless support of our amazing friends and family, we made it. Barely. I lightened my load at the job I wanted to quit and slowly but surely, got to a place where I was no longer dependent on the money. I’m not going to write a how-to or anything, but I’m pretty proud of myself. This is one of those “Giant Leap” kind of moments in my world. One of those things I do every once in a while and think, “WHOA! That was totally grown-up”.

Six months proved to be all we could handle, though, and it was starting to take a toll on the whole family. Jeremy started a new job in November, working nights. The boys were worn out from being shuffled, I was worn out from the shuffling, and we were never all four in the same room at the same time. I missed my family and they missed me. Me working nights had worked for a long, long time…until one day it didn’t.

So, on Tuesday night, I quit.

I think Logan was as excited as I was. We both knew that the shuffling was over and he would be back at home, in his own bed at bedtime, every night. Thursday afternoon was better, though. When I picked him up from school he asked me, “Who’s house are we going to now?” I smiled and said, “Our house, silly. Mommy doesn’t work nights anymore, remember?” His mini-me eyes lit up and he smiled back and said, “Ooooohhhh yeahhhhhhh.”

It’s still not exactly a traditional schedule. Not one we’ll do forever. But we’re not talking about forever, here. We’re talking about right now. We will do it this way right now because that’s what’s best. That’s what’s working.

Tonight, we are all four at home together. On a Saturday Night. I did not want to ruin our fun, quality family time by trying to cook, wrestle Brodie, answer 1 million questions from Logan and yelling the phrase “Baaaaaaabe…When you’re done with that, can you Please come get Your kids.” So, we had Jack-in-the-Box for dinner. Before the boys went to bed Grandma and my nieces came over and we played Wii Bowling. (I totally bowled Pro)

Everyone is under the same roof at the same time. Equally important, it’s Saturday night and I am NOT bitterly slaving away at a job I had grown to despise. And I have closure about it. Not because I went out in a giant blaze of glory, like I thought I wanted to do, but because I'm learning about calm and rational instead.

What. A. Concept.

The question came up, more than once, on whether or not I could afford to quit. The BF, Megan, gave the best answer on this one…

“She couldn’t afford not to.”  

She’s totally right.

Happy Weekend.

InstaFriday

Linking up with life rearranged today sharing some random stuff from the week. I love this idea. I ALWAYS have my cell phone on me, so these moments are ones that I may not have caught otherwise.

Here's a look at some of our downtime for the week...

Sunday afternoon I caught this one of my boys laying in the floor and wrestling with their Great Grandpa Bud...Who's 80, by the way...How cool is this?!

Jeremy and Brodie chillin' out in the backyard, playing on the swingset. Yes, the hubby is wearing shorts. No, I didn't forget to do his laundry.

Logan snuck up to the fort while Brodie was occupied. He doesn't get to go up there as often as he would like because his brother tries to follow him. The thing is 12 feet tall and Brodie lacks a sense of danger. He'll try to walk off the edge...Maybe in a few more months (or years) he'll get to play, too.

and this is the Monster. Wearing my glasses, sitting in my lap, saying cheese, looking very Non-Monsterish. We took about 10 pictures of him wearing the glasses. He was pretty entertained.

and this is what my new favorite coffee cup looks like at 6 am. Yes, I've been up that early almost everyday this week...I'm so proud!!!

Enjoy!
Happy Friday!


Linking up over here today!!