Thursday, June 27, 2013

I'm not a blogger {but I play one on Facebook}

For the last two years or so, Consider Me Krysten has been the place I bring random bits of writing. I don’t have a format, or a theme, or any sort of schedule. It’s technically on blogspot but, I’ve never really felt like it was a blog. In fact, when people call it a blog, it makes me feel a little sheepish, a little imposter-ish, a little like a big fat phony. Not that I don’t love it here but, let’s be honest, I’ve never really gotten into the swing of the whole blog thing.

While (secretly) reading a few other blogs this morning, I started thinking about what it is about Consider Me Krysten that makes me feel like I have no right to group myself in with actual bloggers.

Here’s my top 10:

  1. I don’t do fashion.
Like, at all. I hate shopping for clothes and when I do buy something other than work pants or pajama pants, it usually comes from Target or Walmart. Like, for real. I don’t do clothes, I don’t do accessories, I have never been to Charming Charlie or Forever 21 or Anthropology or Banana Republic. I usually go ‘shopping’ once a year. Like, “Let’s go into all of these cool stores and try things on and Ooh and Ahh over fabrics and prints and patterns” shopping and that’s when my BFF makes me go as part of her birthday weekend. I’m only there for the company. I don’t try things on.

I NEVER actually buy anything.

  1. I don’t do Pinterest.
Not really. I mean, I like E-cards and the Humor section. I pin the occasional idea or nerdy tid bit. I often ‘like’ other people’s pins. I’ve never actually looked at something, pinned it and then later, made it, cooked it, built it or wore it.

  1. I don’t do selfies and my Instagram pictures aren’t very exciting.  
With the exception of the occasional “Hey, Kid, come here and let’s play with the camera on my iPhone” picture, I don’t do self portraits. I think in order to feel like I had a good reason to post a picture of myself, I’d have to be wearing something trendy, have a new necklace on or have some cool, Pinterest inspired hairstyle to share which, if you read number 1 and 2, you’ll know that I…don’t. Like, ever. The pictures that I do post usually involve some over-the-top cute thing one of my kids is doing or some random something or other I can’t help but share. It took me three weeks to figure out how to make a collage, another three to figure out what some of the Instagram lingo meant and another two to figure out hashtags. I only follow people I know and no one follows me that I haven’t met in real life.

Bloggers are good at Instagram. I’m not.

  1. I don’t do giveaways.
I don’t even know what language that is. I see these giveaways on blogs but, I wouldn’t know the first thing about actually having one.

  1. I don’t have a niche.
If someone were to ask any one of my readers from Facebook, “What’s her blog about?” I’m pretty sure the answer would be, “Um, well, I’m not sure what it’s about but, I like reading it.” I’m not a hippie or a bible thumper. I don’t coupon or meal plan. I let my baby sleep in my bed because I’m tired and lazy, not because I strongly advocate co-sleeping. I breastfeed because it’s convenient and free, not because I have a super strong hatred towards formula companies or think that breastfeeding is the one and only way. I don’t have a definite political stance on anything. I have about 15 things that I cook for dinner on a regular basis, at least two of them are considered breakfast, and not one of them has a ‘recipe’ that you couldn’t find on the back of a Campbell’s can or box of Bisquick. When I need to know how to get a stain out, I Google it. I don’t workout on a regular basis. I’ve never had a big, life altering transformation that I could ‘blog’ about regularly. In fact, I don’t really do anything ‘regularly’ enough to blog about at all. Seriously, the only thing I do ‘regularly’ is NOT something you want to read about.

Trust me.  

  1. I don’t know how to make blogger friends.
My BFF recently went to a Blogging conference where she met up with a bunch of women who she has become friends with in bloggy-land. She has emailed these ladies a million times, commented on their blogs and they’ve commented on hers. She follows them on Instagram and they follow her back. When she met them in real life, she felt like she already knew them. She had a blast and posted the whole thing both on her blog and on Instagram. I don’t know how to do that.

I’m blogger handicapped.  

  1. I don’t craft.
This sort of goes hand in hand with Pinterest and having a niche but, I’ve noticed that when a lot of bloggers seem to run out of things to blog about, they post some sort of DIY, which is cool if, you know, you’re crafty but, I’m not. Michael’s freaks me out. I only own a hot glue gun because it was pink and five bucks and I felt like, because I was a mom, I should own one, ya’ know?

I think I’ve used it twice.

  1. I don’t know how to make a ‘button' and I don’t speak ‘sponsor.’
Just about any blog I’ve ever read has this thing on the side that says, grab my button. There is usually also a bunch of buttons from other bloggers with a title that says, meet my sponsors or something like that.

Um, I’ll be real honest. I don’t know what either of these things mean.  

  1. I don’t Tweet.
When I have those days where I feel like maybe I want to try and play real Blogger, I’ll call the BFF and ask for advice. She usually advises me to follow people on Instagram (Which we’ve already decided I don’t do) and suggests Tweeting. She’s built an amazing fan base using Twitter. I know that just about everyone has a Twitter account. I do have one (I think) and I’ve used it maybe twice. It confuses and intimidates me, which is ridiculous.

It’s also the honest to Jesus truth.

  1. I don’t have haters.
I am in NO WAY complaining about this. I love that all 50 or so of my readers from Facebook usually have either nice things to say or nothing at all.  I have noticed, however, that any blog I read usually has a comment or two where someone has their panties in a bunch about something. They’re pissed because the blogger is too happy, too bitchy, too brash, too sad. They offer their opinion about how the blogger chooses to feed their kid, be a wife, raise their children, handle their Elf on a Shelf. No one seems to be dissatisfied with what I share, which raises a question: If you post a blog and no one is pissed off, does the post actually exist?

I wouldn’t know, I’m not a real blogger. I just play one on Facebook.

Happy Thursday, Friends.
go. do. be.